Perhaps you think this little project of mine to become the girl in the song has frivolous beginnings and is sourced from a spring of boredom and self-indulgence, with no real emotions attached to it. Well, I definitely was feeling bored and slightly numb (from the cold) while taking my usual district line journey to work as the month of October was clinging on by its last rays of sunshine. These journeys normally involve no more than periodic intervals of you staring at the person opposite you, them staring back at you, and then you looking down at your fingernails. Every now and then a nice looking fella sits within my vicinity and I stop looking anywhere else. Other times, the nice good looking fella stares back and I think the feeling is mutual, only to discover much later that everyone is staring at me because I accidentally drew on my face that morning.
So, as I sat there on this particular day dreaming about dragons and mermaids, I noticed an elderly Chinese man sitting opposite me with his fingers on his temples, his frown lines bundled together high on his forehead and his eyes painfully closed. He seemed to be suffering from a headache. I noticed, but went on dreaming. Periodically, I awoke and shifted my eyes towards the man who on a few more occasions was adopting further expressions of suffering. The funny thing about physical suffering (and I'm well aware there are sufferings of greater significance in this world of which I am not referring to here) is that I often relate it to something personal that just needs to be worked through e.g. when you've fallen over, banged your head against the wall (I walked right into the edge of one 5 days ago and just stood there recovering) or when you've got menstrual cramps (sorry boys), the pain will end but you just have to wait it out. However, when he started to sigh and further tense his face tortuously, I began to think that this may be more than a migraine.
At Mansion House station, I realised that everyone else in the carriage was noticing this man but sat there like dummies. What if something terrible was happening to him and we only realised when it was too late? Maybe there was something I could do to help, my mind imagined all sorts of predicaments that he could be in and how awful they might have been. The right thing for me to do was to ask what was wrong.
Temple station. As the train stopped I decided to get off my seat and go over to him. But I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and my mind toiling with the most ridiculous thoughts imaginable:
As the train slowed down to a stop at Embankment Station, the man put on his glasses, got up and walked towards the door. This was over, it was a relief, yet I felt like the worst person in the world.
I confided in a friend at work since he is someone with no qualms about saying anything in front of anybody and is generally quite confident. As soon as I mentioned the bit about feeling anxious, he immediately said "oh yes you're in public and everyone gets so worried about doing something in public in front of everyone else. But you need to overcome the fear the next time this happens". From the looks of it, I might not be the only one who worries about disturbing public peace.
So, there you go. A few more eventful and cringe worthy situations later (of which I will begin to tell next time) and a listening to Suddenly I See brings me to where I am today. Amongst other things, I want to be more selfless, compassionate, and someone who stops to expresses consideration towards others as the girl in the song would've done. This world has enough of the people who just walk on by, and I don't plan to become one anytime soon.
So, as I sat there on this particular day dreaming about dragons and mermaids, I noticed an elderly Chinese man sitting opposite me with his fingers on his temples, his frown lines bundled together high on his forehead and his eyes painfully closed. He seemed to be suffering from a headache. I noticed, but went on dreaming. Periodically, I awoke and shifted my eyes towards the man who on a few more occasions was adopting further expressions of suffering. The funny thing about physical suffering (and I'm well aware there are sufferings of greater significance in this world of which I am not referring to here) is that I often relate it to something personal that just needs to be worked through e.g. when you've fallen over, banged your head against the wall (I walked right into the edge of one 5 days ago and just stood there recovering) or when you've got menstrual cramps (sorry boys), the pain will end but you just have to wait it out. However, when he started to sigh and further tense his face tortuously, I began to think that this may be more than a migraine.
At Mansion House station, I realised that everyone else in the carriage was noticing this man but sat there like dummies. What if something terrible was happening to him and we only realised when it was too late? Maybe there was something I could do to help, my mind imagined all sorts of predicaments that he could be in and how awful they might have been. The right thing for me to do was to ask what was wrong.
Temple station. As the train stopped I decided to get off my seat and go over to him. But I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and my mind toiling with the most ridiculous thoughts imaginable:
- I've got two bags on me, how was I going to neatly do this without having to take both bags over with me and losing my seat (the man was 3 metres from me)
- What if I shock him by going over there
- What if I fall over when the train starts moving again
As the train slowed down to a stop at Embankment Station, the man put on his glasses, got up and walked towards the door. This was over, it was a relief, yet I felt like the worst person in the world.
I confided in a friend at work since he is someone with no qualms about saying anything in front of anybody and is generally quite confident. As soon as I mentioned the bit about feeling anxious, he immediately said "oh yes you're in public and everyone gets so worried about doing something in public in front of everyone else. But you need to overcome the fear the next time this happens". From the looks of it, I might not be the only one who worries about disturbing public peace.
So, there you go. A few more eventful and cringe worthy situations later (of which I will begin to tell next time) and a listening to Suddenly I See brings me to where I am today. Amongst other things, I want to be more selfless, compassionate, and someone who stops to expresses consideration towards others as the girl in the song would've done. This world has enough of the people who just walk on by, and I don't plan to become one anytime soon.
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